I had originally started this blog as a way to motivate myself and get my life back on track. I struggle with depression and anxiety and I’ve always had a hard time getting motivated. Here I sit, 2 years later…I’ve deleted all my old posts and I’ve made my blog public.
Why the change? Five weeks ago I experienced the worst day of my life, I lost my baby. Let me tell you one thing, when you lose a child you’re entire world comes crashing down and EVERYTHING gets put into perspective. I spent weeks in bed crying, being angry at God, angry at other pregnant women, being jealous of other people’s ‘perfect’ lives, feeling sorry for myself, and yearning to hold my baby girl one last time and kiss her face 503 million more times.
After some heaving grieving I decided I wanted to drastically change my life and my role in it. I want to be a better person, rid myself of ALL negativity, and focus on the things that make me happy. I want to share my life, the good, the bad, the sad, the beautiful, and the ugly. Life is not fair, trust me I know, but I also know that you are NOT alone in your personal struggle.
There is such a stigma when talking about losing a baby, people don’t want to talk about it- I think that’s a shame. I delivered a baby girl at 21 weeks, unfortunately she never had the chance to live on this Earth but I will ALWAYS talk about her because no matter what she will always be my first born, I will always be her Mother, and I will never stop loving her. No one can take that away from me and I simply do not care if that makes anyone uncomfortable.
I’ve always felt the need to write things down and ‘share’ my life but I’ve always been nervous of people judging me. The new Kate doesn’t care if you judge her because she wants to share her joy and her pain and she wants to meet others who share in similar joys and pains. She wants to be a better person and she wants to share her journey with those who are willing to come along for the ride… and guess what, there is nothing wrong with that!
Cheers to a new beginning.